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IS THERE TROUBLE IN THE EMPIRE OF PRINTALOT?

IS THERE TROUBLE IN THE EMPIRE OF PRINTALOT?

Is it the best of currencies, or the worst of currencies?, asked the emperor. His economics advisors suggested that the currency will only be safe if the Mad Hungarian is neutralised. The Emperor gleefully agreed. Another chance to use the latest robotics threat remover had surfaced. I need a reason, said he. The geopolitical advisors instantly answered. The Mad Hungarian has weapons of currency destruction! Can you prove that?, asked the Emperor. Sire, look what he did to the British pound; the Queen is still demanding massive amounts of foreign aid from us! OK, said the Emperor, your point is made. Just make sure you eliminate him in the most expensive way possible. I have to have better numbers in the economic reports.

The Emperor mentioned the increase of wailing and gnashing of the teeth by his subjects. His advisors told him of the new demand for cosmetic dentistry as a result of the gnashing of teeth. A new entitlement program for cosmetic dentistry will be a big hit with voters, and the dentists will be big contributors for the upcoming election. The Emperor inquired as to the possibility of wailing being classified as a disease. The advisor's response was swift and sure. No problem! There might be a small delay, but easily managed. Why a delay?, asked the Emperor. Sire, there are no professional wailing therapists at this time. Great!, exclaimed the Emperor. We will need new schools, which will create more construction contracts. More teachers will be hired to teach the new students, and more loans for the tuition. The textbook publishers are always good for campaign contributions. The empire will rally around the War on Wailing.

The Emperor became concerned over rumors that the food supply might be unsafe. His advisors reported that there were no mad cows. Every cow they checked was happily mooing and chewing. Therefore, the scientists and reporters were obviously mad, and in need of another chemical dosage adjustment. This would also help the sales of Prozac, which had been stagnant in recent months. Wonderful, replied the Emperor. Well-adjusted scientists, reporters, and more campaign contributions for the small cost of surplus Prozac. The Emperor then suggested that pizza should be part of the new school breakfast program. Sire, pizza is not a breakfast food!, was their response. Slowly the emperor explained that if emperor Reagan could call ketchup a vegetable, then he could call pizza a breakfast cereal. The emperor mentioned that Pizza Hut was the best Italian pizza in the US. When informed that Pizza Hut is not Italian, the emperor decided to declare Pizza Hut Italian naturalization day as a National holiday. The advisors pointed out that the emperor does not have the legal authority to give Pizza Hut Italian citizenship. He responded by pointing out that the Italians are an under appreciated group in the US, that everybody loves another holiday, and that the Roman Catholic vote might be important in the next election. Struck speechless, the advisors scurried away.

The next major event was a review of the education system. The advisors were concerned that the latest initiatives were failing. The emperor explained the logic of the "Leave No Child Behind" Program. He asked if they found many children falling behind? The advisors pointed out that less children were getting ahead. The emperor reminded the advisors that the program only left no child behind. No one had claimed that all the children would go ahead. He pointed out that all the money being spent was stimulus The teacher's union vote was in the bag. The "All Children Move Ahead" program would be saved until more votes are needed. The education, and children’s programs were always big winners, so you used them sparingly. The speech writers were already submitting speeches. The emperor always has 10 to 20 programs complete with emotionally loaded speeches ready to launch at any given time. The government is not the largest employer of psychologists by accident. Every word you see and hear has been scripted for effect. This also creates a demand for more college graduates with degrees in psychology.

Soon all you lucky homeowners will get your new property tax bills. Just keep remembering that you’re getting rich while your paying that new bill. It’s very expensive to get rich. Don’t weaken now; stay the course. The Emperor Printalot may, or may not, come to your rescue

The new cost of energy is a minor disturbance unless you need to use transportation that won’t burn hay. Oil and gas are beginning to reflect the Printalot strategy.The Amish might yet rule the world. At least they will have some wealth left. They could less about the Middle East, or any of this other nonsense. Actually, the Amish don’t use much electricity either. Why did we used to laugh at these people?

"Life is a tale told by the media, full of taxes and regulations, signifying bankruptcy". I personally guarantee that no politician ever said this!

Wayne N. Krautkramer onlypill@cox.net

Oil:http://www.csmonitor.com/2004/0818/p03s02-usec.html

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Extraordinary beliefs require extraordinary failures to discredit them.